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Kacey’s Story
Yesterday I was a person living strictly in survival mode. Who can do for me and what all can I get out of them, type of mentality. Lost, confused and alone; highly guarding the real me and pushing those who loved me away with great force. I used drugs of any sort on a 24/7 basis- remaining in a constant fog for so many years. And because of my use I have missed out, deprived my kids and forgotten so many precious memories and brain cells, all irreplaceable. Having nothing within this flesh but ice, or so I dramatically felt and thought. Drained, defeated and with no hope, something greater than myself lead me (more like forcefully shoved me) back towards the direction of my life. Landing myself in jail, facing prison and once again pregnant, by grace only, the door leading to recovery opened. In I went, and it was here at Susan B. Anthony Center that I found myself again. I found life possible again.
I thought that I had thrown myself away out there with no chance to regain, let alone mend what I gave away within myself. But come to find out I was just hiding within myself, waiting to be loved again, mainly by my self. Initially coming to Susan B. Anthony Center I asked myself “How can I be a part of a society when I wasn’t even human?” Because at that time I was nothing more that a shell, barely faking the part. This is just the opposite today, and this question no longer applies. So I let it fly.
Today my smiles are genuine, my laugh’s sincere and my tears fall just like the rest. Everyday I work a little more and become a step closer towards a better me and a better life. Because I know that I am worth while and that I deserve it and that my children deserve this as well. I take pride in myself, my home, my family, my community and my life. No longer living amongst the shadows, as a disgrace embracing her chosen role as the outcast, today I choose another life, a better life. I stand up for what believe in and I believe in me, and I believe in good people and things. I choose to participate in life and in my community because I am a person who can be a part of something whole.
I think back to my older children and try so hard to remember their laughs, but sadly I cannot. I listen to my youngest today as he bellows laughter in sheer joy as we play, this I will remember always because I am present, all of me with one hundred percent participation in my life. This I don’t ever want to give a way again. This makes it all worth while. Too many years I took for granted in the past due to my selfish distorted thinking, no longer will I suffer for that. Not looking back and dwelling, but here today I live and I love it, and I’m convinced that I’ll love tomorrow with all of its joys and sorrows, laughter in sheer joy as we play, this I will remember always because I am present, all of me with one hundred percent participation in my life. This I don’t ever want to give a way again. This makes it all worth while. Too many years I took for granted in the past due to my selfish distorted thinking, no longer will I suffer for that. Not looking back and dwelling, but here today I live and I love it, and I’m convinced that I’ll love tomorrow with all of its joys and sorrows.